Transformation Week 2

Monday, I did fabulous. Even after some depressing issues that I am facing, (yeah I am still having issues with my miscarriage from about three weeks ago) but I handled them without emotional eating. But Tuesday, ahh Valentine's Day, my husband bought me chocolate covered strawberries. Six to be exact. That did it. I ate all of them. Yes all six lovely lush ones. They were 150 calories per berry. But it was sinfully awesome. Then there was dinner. Though the main entree was low cal, I guarantee that the sides (twice baked potatoes and the wine) were not. I am really going to have to kick it into full gear tomorrow to make up for it. But I am going to buy my gym membership instead of being a temporary member. So good healthy sailing for the rest of the week.

Then I get a call from my ob/gyn. Triple Chromosome 16 is what caused the miscarriage. Tidal waves, more like typhoons hit me. So it is my fault. Of course the nurse said it could have come from either one of us but I am afraid that it came from me. I have had two other miscarriages. Shouldn't that be a sign that I am to blame. We are going to go to genetic counseling but it just makes me wonder.

I am going to get through this. I have to. I don't like falling back and forth into this depression. It isn't good for me or anyone else. I have tried to go back to my usual blue rescuers: needlepoint, scrap booking, reading, etc. So far nothing. I think that time is the only thing that is going to do it. I just have to meditate, ground myself, and be still. I recently saw something that made sense. From all things it was from a celebrity.

It was Bobbi Kristina Brown, the daughter of the late Whitney Houston. Sometime ago, she was photographed in what looked like snorting cocaine. Now I am not commenting on her alleged drug use, but on what she tweeted in response to that. She said that she was in a bad relationship blah blah but she said that the best thing for her to do right now is to be still. To reflect on the situation and make the best of it. Be still. To see what life brings her way next....by just being still. And I think that is what I am going to do. Just try and  let me thoughts be still.