Anxiety

Yes, I have anxiety. It is something that I live with everyday. It is part of the PTSD army that has invaded my well being. However, I have a stalemate with this army and we are learning to co-exist with each other. We have a unstable truce from time to time but the army and I acknowledge each other.

Anxiety is PTSD scout. Anxiety knows where the weaknesses in my defenses. Today is a day that Anxiety has breached the defenses. However, my guards have caught the scout while making its approach. Before, it approached, I got some delicious food from Panera with hot tea. Then, I came home and removed some leaves and prepared some plants for the oncoming pre-spring rain.

My hands touched the leaves softened by the mists of last night's rain. A calm washed over me while a voice in my head whispered there was nothing to fear. The voice seemed to embrace me gently and told me I was home and this is where I belonged. In that moment, I felt safe, at ease, and completely enthralled with clearing out the flower container of long dead inhabitants. The cool soil caressed my fingers as if it were a lover who ached for my touch. It was at this moment that I felt I belonged to the whole universe. I felt I was connected to everyone and everything.

After clearing the debris, I looked up to the sky. The sun was breaking through the clouds. Another voice rang through my head asking if I was better. I closed my eyes, head still raised, took a deep breath, and said yes. I was able to start my hectic day, crazy family life, messy house, nagging bills, and endless to do list with renewed vigor, strength, and serenity.

No matter where we are in life, what we feel, or where we are, we are all connected to each other and to the earth. We all need to remember that we are much more than schedules, chores, deadlines, and to do lists. We need to all bring at least 10 minutes into our day where there is no demanding world but calm, peace, and silence. If we all could do that, imagine what our world would look like.